Yesterday I had lunch with a friend who had just received bad news. It was the kind of news where I wanted to be supportive, but was truly at a lose for words. I wished I could have made him laugh, or lightened his load, but I didn’t know what to say. I think I gave him a little hope, but I am not even sure if I was successful in that. We just talked, and I told him I was sorry over and over.
I felt like a bad friend. Like I let him down, yet this morning while I was reading Lauds in my breviary I ran across a short reading from Romans 12:14-16:
“Bless those who persecute you, bless them. Rejoice with those who rejoice and be sad with those in sorrow. Treat everyone with equal kindness; never be condescending but make real friends with the poor.”
I have read a few translations of the Bible, but never the Jerusalem Bible in its entirety, and I was surprised how much this passage spoke to me this morning. First, I realized that yesterday I was “sad with those in sorrow.” I had not failed my friend, I had done all that I could at the time. I hope that some day soon I may also rejoice with him, but right now I did the correct thing.
Second, even though my job is to literally help ‘those in need’, I still have to “make real friends with the poor”… this is something that we often talk about in the Society of St Vincent de Paul, but I was taken a little back when I read this coupled with “be sad with those in sorrow.” In the same way I could not “fix” my friend’s problem, I have to remember I can not “fix” those who are poor, that is condescension.
I am not sure if there is a larger life lesson in this, but I know I have to remember that I can only do what I can. Being a friend is not only about rejoicing. We probably need the friend most when we are in sorrow, and when we are poor. I also need to remember to always be prayerful. You never know when God will speak to you.
