A few months ago, I was verbally and physically assaulted at the church where I work. I don’t intend to hash out what happened, but I do want to talk about some of the emotional baggage that has stayed with me. The incident happened in the Gathering Space (by the main doors) of the church a little before Mass. When the main incident escalated, there happened to be a number of people around, so it was easily documented that I didn’t start it and actually tried to stop the situation.
There was part of me that wanted to actually fight. I am sure I would have won. Even if I had not, I have always been the type of person who would run into the fire, instead of away from it. This instinct has served me well so far in my life. Yet, this time I couldn’t get over the fact that I am a leader at my church. Even if I “won” the fight, I would actually “lose.” Ironically, the Gospel reading for that weekend was Mt 18:21-35. That weekend, the gentleman tried to get me to fight him multiple time, but I could not help hearing Peters question to Jesus running in the back of my mind. “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive?” (Matthew 18:21)
I honestly don’t know if I didn’t fight him because I wanted to forgive him, or if it was because I was afraid I would lose my job if I won. I hope it was the former. Eventually, at the request of the Parish, I filled charges against the man so that he would stay away from the Parish. While I think this was a good idea for the safety of the staff and the other Parishioners, the fact that I have now barred a person from coming to church has really bothered me. I have spent more than 10 years working on helping people find the material and social necessities of life and helping the come closer to God. To do something to stop that has been very difficult. In many ways it is a harder blow than anything he could have done physically or anything that he said to me. I have forgiven him; I just hope God forgives me for doing what I thought I had to do to protect his people who are under my care.
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