Today my son is one month old. This is part of the reason I have not put up a post for that amount of time. There were no complications with the birth, but my waking hours have consisted on taking care of him, his sister and their mother, and squeezing in my job when I have time.
Though things are starting to normalize a little again, I have spent a number of sleepless nights walking around our house with him in my arms. There is the side of this experience that is complete bliss; his smell, the feeling of knowing his tiny life has been entrusted in your hands, all of his sweet little coos an gurgles. On the other hand it also shares the worst of any endurance sport. Walking in my climate controlled house is not difficult, but after the millionth lap around the couch with no real sleep in 24 hours it gets difficult to put one foot in front of the other.
This truly feels like a pilgrimage. I have had a lot of time to meditate on my place in this world, and frankly I don’t know if I have found any sort of “answers.” I have found acceptance in the necessity of trusting in God, my family and my friends. I know I have to find the joy in the beauty of today, even when exhaustion in this world sets in. I can’t believe how fast my son has grown in the last month, and I know that is only one example of how life is always on the move.
I rejoice in the fact that we are all getting more sleep in our household, but will always cherish the memories of those painful and glorious early days. I pray that I can also remember them when we have difficult times in the future. For now I will keep walking him around the couch as many times as is necessary.
